What is that in the sky–a bird? A plane?

No, it’s…an imperfectly flawless cliche with an obnoxious red cape.

Moviegoers will make their summer pilgrimages this weekend to the Cinemas and watch the Man of Steel do what he does best: save planes from crashing, rescue damsels in distress, and shield innocent policemen from a hailstorm of bullets. Yes, Superman is just that, super.

And thats why he pisses me off so much.

Before you pelt me with stones, allow me to explain. I know I’m probably in the minority with this one, but I despise Superman, not only as a superhero, but as a concept. His perfection remains unappealing in my mind from when I was a child, reemphasizing the point that, “He who has no flaw is all flaw”.

As a superhero, Superman is the anomaly: he is the one hero whose disguise is human. Superman is really superman; Clark Kent is his alter-ego. The mask he puts on is our own face, spectacled and awkward. But as the Man of Steel (which requires nothing more than a flip of his hair and the removal of some unattractive eye wear), he is undefinable by the laws of physics that unfortunately stand in the way of my childhood fantasies. This is the supposed appeal of Superman. And this is again why he pisses me off.

In the new film, Lex Luthor mentions Prometheus, the Greek Demi-God who is eternally punished for stealing fire from Mount Olympus and delivering it to human beings on Earth. Technology, Luther explains, is the key to human success, and Superman’s race has unfathomable resources and information at their fingertips. Luthor’s Prometheus reference implies two important points: one, the value of human ideal over some transcendental divine identity, and two, man’s own efficacy to affect his own destiny. Sure, Luthor is presented to be maniacal, but could he perhaps also be humane? Was it bad that I secretly wanted Luthor to win because deep down, I agreed with him?

Superman’s selflessness indirectly turns into selfishness: instead of saving a burning train delivering grain to a starving African village, why doesn’t Superman take the technology of his advanced society and create an efficient and productive agricultural economy in the village, if not the respective country? Instead of using his arctic breath to quell a burning fire in a tunnel, why doesn’t he deliver a new type of metal or mineral that is resistant to deterioration? Supposedly Superman’s humanity comes from his vulnerability to human emotions like love, disappointment, obligation, and loneliness, but I don’t buy it. Superman might personify the anguish of the servant to mankind (did I hear church-bells in the distance?), but in the end he has nobody to blame but himself.

In other words, my ultimate problem with Superman is the man part, which he absolutely is not.

Superman’s attraction was always beyond me because I could never relate to him. Even at a young age, I realized the appeal of superheroes in comic books was not their infallibility, as Superman would demonstrate, but their fallibility. It is their human approach to inhuman situations that ultimately add to the appeal of the adventure. Sure, Spider-Man can swing from building to building, but he is tormented by his obligation to fighting crime as a vigilante because, underneath the mask, he’s shy young Peter Parker. The Hulk uses his superhuman strength for good, but it is the battle inside, this Hyde-Jekyll battle of his subconscious, that adds to the empathy we as the “human” audience feels for the “superhuman” character and ultimately fascinates us as the reader.

But what does Superman do? Because his powers are limitless, his solutions are irrational, even for comic book standards. Terrorists planted a nuclear warhead on an island in the Pacific that will cause massive Tsunamis in Asia? No problem, Superman will just go underwater and pull the island from its deeply encrusted core and fly it into outer space so that it will no longer disturb anyone. Devilish bureaucrats want to embezzle money from the UN and UNICEF and forward it to nameless accounts in the Caimans? No problem, Superman will just pull the building from its deeply encrusted core and fly it into outer space so that it will no longer disturb anyone. Get the point? (Editors Note: did anyone ever think about what beings in outer space think about all of this nuclear garbage being flung into other galaxies by Superman? What an insensitive bastard!)

Children are supposed to be inspired by stories of grandeur, but what kind of inspiration does someone get from Superman? Doesn’t his perfection simply remind us of our own mundane lives? In a time of secularism, is Superman the religious figure we are inevitably forced to worship? Sure, the Christ references are a little too obvious, but was that the point? I suppose Jesus was the ancient superhero of his time, elevating himself throughout the first millennium through word of mouth. But how do both compare, as many will do over the next few weeks? Superman is simply too good to be true: even Jesus had his flaws. Superman’s weakness is kryptonite, Christ’s were…nails and a cross? I don’t even know what kryptonite is, but I can understand the pain of the crucifixion. Point: Jesus.

The point is although both are seemingly limitless in power, at least Jesus possesses human qualities. Superman, despite the hominid-like appearance, is not human, but a ridiculous character hole, the deus ex machina’s wet dream. His “superness”, for lack of a better word, is ridiculous and unexplainable. We as the reader (or the viewer) are expected to be spoon-fed it and not question why. Yes, it is my nature to be inquisitive, even in a comic book movie that, by definition, defies nature. But skepticism is not without warrant; other comic books movies have explanations for phenomenon, and as scientifically groundless as they are, they eventually serve their purpose. Why does Superman get to skip all of that? Because he’s super?

What this world needs now is not stories of a super-man, but of men. Not someone who can do everything, but someone who tries to do something. Comic books will always have entertainment appeal, but they reflect the desires and dreams of humans grounded in reality. They continue the tradition of spoken word and legends, which were used as metaphors and history to account for human accomplishments. From Heracles to King Arthur, legends have always elevated men to an almost God-like status, but in the end they were always mortal and there always remained that fine line of distinction. Superman, unfortunately, has crossed that line like a speeding bullet.