ANOTHER OLDIE BUT GOODIE

Don’t have time for another original post, so here’s another one from the archives (Tusitalia from October 2001)

In ancient China, there once lived a man who spent his entire life fishing. He went to the little pond near his house and fished, every single day, for forty years. He never worked, nor learned to read or write or anything. He just fished. He would settle down on his favorite rock and sit there, doing absolutely nothing for forty years. Word of this fisherman spread throughout the land but not because he was a remarkable fisherman. One the contrary: in his forty years of fishing, he did not get a single catch, mostly due to the fact that he had no hook on the end of his line. His wife soon left him after realizing that he was a complete failure in life. But he continued on, sitting on that rock, fishing.

One day the Emperor of China sent for this man. In the presence of the Emperor, the man was asked if he would be the royal advisor to his majesty. The man gladly accepted, and after forty years of doing nothing, he was the highest-ranking official in China, making great decisions that eventually expanded the empire’s power. The Emperor realized that this was no ordinary bum; he obviously knew something that most normal people didn’t. The man ended up reforming China’s economic and legal systems, as well as creating diplomatic ties with numerous other nations. Ultimately, he brought a rare time of peace to a turbulent China.

What’s the point of that story? It’s simple: slackers are more than they appear to be. Slackers are misunderstood in the sense that people believe that nothing good comes out of them. One can approach slacker philosophy in one of two ways. One, you can shun the slacker culture, and conform to the mold of modern society. Or two, you can embrace the slacker culture, and perhaps be as enlightened as the man who fished for forty years, only to become the Emperor’s advisor.

Two of my favorite movies address this topic of people given with the name “slacker” for breaking free of social conformities and accomplishing great things. When given a choice of what to do, people go against their natural instincts and do hard, enduring work because it is socially accepted. It is when one goes against convention and decides to do only what they want to when they are branded with the moniker “slacker” or even “bum”. But, as I am about to explain, this unorthodox approach to life is, perhaps the healthier, more enlightened approach.

The first movie is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, a study in the life of an independent and rebellious teenager who decides one day that he has had enough school and meticulously plans a day off with his girl, best friend, and a red Ferrari. What initially struck me as an amusing comedy turned out to be something much more profound. It turns out that Ferris Bueller is the quintessential modern philosopher, who truly understands his limits and life in general. His witticisms should be published and read, perhaps in a new form of philosophy. “How can I go to school on a day like this?” Ferris asks while pointing outside to a beautiful sunny day. At first, this seems like a stupid comment inserted for a few laughs. But one then has to sit down and think for a minute. How many times have you and I said that, only to drive to school and sit in lecture or class while the birds chirp or the calm autumn breeze blows by? How many times have you sat there in class and thought of what you could be doing at a moment like this? Ferris is a rare case of someone who saw something they wanted and went after it.

The struggle of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, though, is between Ferris and his best friend, Cameron, a slave to society. Ferris promptly notes in the movie that Cameron is an uptight nut who actually gets sick because he worries over things. We learn that Ferris doesn’t plan this day of fun for himself; he plans this day for Cameron, who desperately needs some help. Cameron is the typical atypical teenager: he is dominated by his parents, who dictate his every move and existence. He cannot stand the fact that his family, especially his father, is so dominating yet so superficial (“He loves the car, he hates my mom…”). Ferris tries to free Cameron’s mind from the chains of modern society, just as Plato explained in his Allegory of the Mind. Once freed, Plato explained, a mind cannot return to its primitive state. Ferris, with his mind freed from social expectations and boundaries, cannot demean himself further to his lowly existence at school and hopes to help his friends see the same. Ferris pushes Cameron beyond his comfort zone in order to incur a positive response. For example, he pushes Cameron to take his father’s beloved Ferrari, the symbol of his father’s superficiality and reluctance to understand. The end of the movie demonstrates Ferris’ true victory. The Ferrari is totaled, but not before Ferris finally gets to Cameron. He decides to take a stand against his father, fighting for his rights as a person with feelings and emotions newly discovered during a much-needed day off.

And then there’s Office Space, an entertaining yet insightful film about what the American workplace has become and the affect it has on people. We focus on computer programmer Peter Gibbons, who comments that, “Each day at work is a bad day, and each subsequent day is worse than the day before. So actually every time you see me, you’re seeing me on the worst day of my life.” But through a revelation, Peter realizes that he has risen above his primitive obligation to be the slave to society, and he begins his crusade of “nothingness”, in which he does nothing. He doesn’t go to work. He doesn’t dress up. He doesn’t follow rules. And most importantly, he doesn’t care. This is the “nothing” that one of my good friends spoke highly of, the nothing that is watching a whole hour go by on a clock, watching second after second melt away into oblivion. The twist of the movie is when Peter is promoted because of his stark honesty and simple yet pure approach to things. He soon finds himself in upper management. Everything about this movie preaches the ability to be content with oneself. When one can be content with oneself, then one no longer has to live with the constraints of modern society. It is when we feel uncertain that we allow ourselves to be pulled in by societies demands. One of the most classic scenes in any movie shows our protagonist strutting into his old office building with an Aloha shirt on, the Geto Boy’s classic “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta” blaring in the background. It is so fitting, because at that point, he has become enlightened. He has realized that his life is for him to live, and not for him to suffer in some labor that he despises.

Although satirical, Office Space shows us a certain truth. It addresses a problem that our modern society has created: materialism, conformism, and ultimately what lengths we will go to achieve these. Americans strive to be the best, and in this highly competitive capitalist society, it is those who put in the time and effort who succeed. That means usually a 9-5 workday 6 days a week. What does this mean? It means that people have to deal with the unbearable work hours, even if they don’t want to. The message is simple (well, not really): if you are going to do anything, do something that you actually want to do, because if you don’t like what you are doing, you’re going to hate every single minute of your existence.

Ultimately, you have to see the movies for yourself to get anything from them. They are great comedies if you need a laugh. But the difference than these two movies and the average load of crap that Adam Sandler puts out every year is that these movies attempt to address a certain topic that seems relevant in our hectic everyday existence. I don’t want everyone to think I’m some bum who does nothing. On the contrary, I believe that I am the antithesis of everything that Ferris Bueller and Office Space preach. A student at Stevenson, especially a senior, cannot afford to accept their philosophy no matter how hard they try. Don’t think I’m telling you to set aside what you are doing right now and do absolutely nothing. If you do that, then you obviously missed the point. The point is that we must not let ourselves be taken away by the hustle and bustle of our existence at this school, not to just simply rebel against the system and do nothing. We cannot be swept away by our obligations to academics. We must understand that there are a lot of other important things to do in this world. It is a person who can carefully balance both academics, social interaction, and personal reflection that I truly admire. It is he/she who truly embodies the spirit of Ferris Bueller of Peter Gibbons, for they understand life and do things for themselves. So what am I trying to tell you? Maybe a day off once in a while wouldn’t hurt. It is these days off that help you appreciate the good things in life. So if you are stressing over exams or college admissions, then quit what you are doing right now, get your o-face on, and ride in your best friend’s red Ferrari with your girl/boyfriend at your side with the speakers blasting “Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.”

 

BLAST FROM THE PAST

here’s an oldie but goodie from the archives:

(FROM THE STEVENSON TUSITALIA, MAY 2002)

Human beings should be ashamed of themselves, and I’ve got three words to explain why: The Glutton Bowl.

In a ridiculous show of absurdity and public mockery, Fox (the network that brought such quality television programs as “when animals attack”, “celebrity boxing”, and “when police chases go bad”) broadcasted The Glutton Bowl, the Super Bowl of competitive eating. Competitive eating? I kid you not: there is, in fact, a competitive eating circuit in the world. The IFOCE (International Federation of Competitive Eating) has internationally sanctioned events occurring in numerous nations. There are official rules to these eating competitions, with professionally trained referees regulating the competitions. The commentators of the Glutton Bowl explained that the sport of competitive eating is the most difficult sport in the world, mostly because of the resistance the human body displays for food after a certain point. IFOCE board member John Garger said, “This is a spectacular production with enormous energy and unbelievable athletic performances.” Athletic performances? Hardly the words I’d use to describe it.

But what is an athlete, one might wonder? Is a golfer an athlete? How about a billiards player? Would I be going on a limb to say a bridge player is an athlete? Webster’s Dictionary defines an athlete as a person trained or gifted in exercises or contests involving physical agility, stamina, or strength. Well, clearly a Glutton Bowl competitor fits these descriptions. But do we still consider him an athlete?

The quickest reason to doubt the competitors athletic ability is due to the fact that overeating is a taboo of our modern society. We live in an age where thin is beautiful, and where we “eat to live”, not “live to eat”. However, this wasn’t always the case. In ancient cultures, huge feasts were held in order to show prosperity and wealth. Only the rich could afford such food; it was a benefit of being a member of the elite. Rich people even had vomitariums, where they would puke after overeating in order to consume more food. Ancient Hawaiians believed that eating a lot showed power and wealth in their society. If a man was big (the last king of the Hawaiian islands, King Kamehameha, was almost seven feet tall and weighed nearly five hundred pounds), it showed his dominance over the smaller and weaker workers or servants of the court. But in the status quo, our perception is different: one with money can afford a great personal trainer, a gym, and dietary supplements in order to maintain a proper figure. But I digress.
What initially caught my eye was the professionalism of it all. The commentators actually gave play-by-play analysis of each round of competition, as well a diagnosis of each food about to be consumed or each competitor. It was almost as if the WWF was superimposed on a local eating competition. Huge pyrotechnics were used as each competitor strutted towards the table. I remember rolling on the ground laughing as they’d introduce each competitor, complete with his own vital stats and “food fact”. Imagine this: John “Mad Dog” Kowalski, from Brooklyn, New York, struts out on stage, donned with a wife-beater and grizzly shorts. Reigning quail egg eating champion of New York, they’d say. Food Fact: “Once ate an entire python.” I mean, how can you not laugh at this guy, who proudly struts onto the stage and pats his gargantuan belly, half covered with a wife-beater and a Budweiser hat covering his shaggy hair. Greatest athlete? Come on, I could throw a rock in a bar and hit ten guys just like that. But the way he can consume food is incredible, I’ll admit. Barry Bonds can hit 73 home runs, but can he consume an entire python in one sitting? Jesus Christ, those things are like 24 feet long!

Rounds included timed consumption of various food groups, ranging from hard-boiled eggs (the winner at 42) and mayonnaise (the winner slowly consumed 8 pounds with his hands) to sticks of butter (the winner ate 4, with another caught in his bushy beard) and rocky mountain oysters (the winner ate 3 pounds…if you don’t know what they are, let me give you a hint: they aren’t oysters). Competitors and commentators were in the dark as to what the chosen food would be until they dropped a ton of it from a large container attached to the ceiling. So, a ton of mayonnaise slopped onto the ground from about 40 feet above, to the chagrin of the hundreds of fans attending the competition, screaming and chanting the names of their idols.

Which brings me to my next point: what the hell were they doing there? Is it possible to cheer for something like that? I was laughing out loud to the point of involuntary urination, but it was because of the immense disgust I felt for the fools on the screen. I mean some people are blessed with true gifts. Einstein was given the gift to understand complex physics and mathematical problems. Michael Jordan was given the gift to play basketball like God. Shakespeare could capture the human spirit and essence of man’s complex personality in numerous stage productions. John Kowalski’s gift was being able to eat 5 whole extra large pizzas in less than 10 minutes.

I’ll admit one thing: it was entertaining. According to the commentators, we were privileged to watch “the Tsunami” Kobayashi, the reigning world champion of eating and, according to them, the greatest man who ever lived. Kobayashi, at 5’3” and less than 130 pounds, was hardly the stature of the other competitors. However, his gift from God was his insatiable appetite and his ability to swallow food without chewing it. Watching that man shove hot dog after hot dog into his mouth had to have been one of the most amusing things I’ve ever seen, although amusing seems like an understatement upon reflection. Four hundred pound men would cry while this little man would shove handful after handful of food in his mouth. Maybe he was the greatest man in the world. But he wasn’t getting any respect in my book.
In retrospect, the whole idea of competitive eating is stupid and absurd. With people starving in almost every country in the world, we here in America are watching a show depicting people gorging themselves on outrageous amounts of food that other people would kill for. It is sad to admit that I can be so easily amused. Originally, food- eating contests were performed at festivals in order to enjoy the extremes of life and to poke fun at people. The Bible states that gluttony, or the act of overindulging oneself with food is a sin; in fact, it’s one of the seven deadly sins.

So why should we be ashamed with ourselves? It’s simply entertainment, right? Well, granted, it is. But then again, so is watching a guy in a shopping cart getting pushed off a hill, or watching somebody eat worms on a secluded beach for a million dollar cash prize. The problem is that we are so unsatisfied with our own lives that we search for extremes in almost everything. We go back to our animalistic instincts and almost “stupefy” ourselves in order to be entertained. Watching a guy shove egg after egg in his mouth with white residue slowly drip from his chin disgusted me, but in a way, it intrigued me because of its exoticness. Things and ideas as strange and foreign as that are appealing at first, but we must learn to be self aware of our actions. Although funny (at the cost of what little shame the competitors have left), the Glutton Bowl did not provide what I believe quality entertainment of any sort provides: something that both entertains and intrigues. A great movie with an ensemble cast and a great story. An interesting and involving novel. We live in an age where we watch TV shows about real life, when we have lives of our own to live. Why have we settled for such mediocrity? I guess what I’m incoherently trying to get at is that we should try better forms of entertainment. There are too many Survivoresque shows and other forms of dreadful crap on that seriously is a waste of time. I think we as Americans owe it to ourselves to not settle for something so degrading, stupid, and pointless as the Glutton Bowl to occupy one of our evenings.

Although I’ll admit, it was pretty funny when that one dude bit into the wasabi section of his 14 foot long sushi roll. Man, did you see the way his face turned beet red and his eyes began to water, as he quickly turned to…